A day of many firsts

One

He knew nothing

 

This is 'his' true story. He never had the desire to share his joys and sorrows to a fellow soul. He confined his world to himself and he was happy about it. 

 

It was a lazy Sunday. There was nothing so special about that day for him in general. He sat idle as he remembered his last night's conversation with his good friend. 

"Look, brother, you can't just stay away from love every time. Don't you think that you will have to share your life with someone at some point?"

 

"I know, brother. That makes me feel awkward.  You know, I am happy with myself. So, I don't want to add more complexity to it."

 

"Oh, I see. You do not wish to explore things, do you? How can you say that you do not enjoy something without experiencing it? Tell me honestly, have you ever tried approaching someone?" 

 

"Not till this moment"

 

"Then you are missing out on something. Why can't you just try once before jumping into conclusions? Look. Someone might be interested in you. Did you ever loved anyone?"

 

"I don't know. I never had such feelings to anyone. I have met some amazing people. I know life will be good if we share a relationship. But I would never approach them. What if they think of me as a friend? Isn't that going to be the end of a relationship?"

 

"That is their concern, not yours. Isn't it?"

 

"No man, I am not prepared. I can't do it"

 

"You never listen, do you," his friend did not give up. 

 

"I am listening to you man"

 

"Then tell me. Everyone loves someone. But you have not, ever. Why are you so different from other people?"

 

"I don't think I am not so different from anyone. Probably, you have not had a chance to meet someone like me. But we do exist"

 

"Whatever. I am running out of patience. Are you going to fall in love with someone and get married someday?"

 

"Probably yes"

 

"What probability are you talking! You are going to, someday. That is the reality"

 

"Okay. But let me stay the way I am. We can think about love and marriages sometime later, " he quipped hurriedly as he waved goodbye. 

 

Two

 

Terrible times

 

Memories began to strike him. "What if I stay unmarried and unloved all my life? What change will it make in people's lives? Why are they all so concerned about me? Why can't they just leave me alone?"

He opened his journal and penned down his thoughts. 

 

"Why am I not normal? Why can't people let me live life on my own terms? Where can I find some peace of mind?" He felt so lost after finishing his note. He had nothing else to do. He desperately needed to talk to someone. He grabbed his smartphone to talk to someone without the fear of being judged. But he could not find even one such friend in his contact list. 

 

"Everyone has changed, but not me. Why am I unmoved? Which sensible girl is going to accept a silly guy like me?" 

 

You must have noticed by now about his signature trait. He always makes it a habit to curse himself for the wrongdoings. He remembered his trademark smile. 

 

"Oh, I wish I could smile like how I used to in the past. How long am I going to stay so numb?"

 

 He wanted to hide his face.  He closed his eyes and placed a pillow above his head. He sat there motionless for some time. He felt the need for a change. He browsed through some of the status updates which were shared by his friends. It made him feel worse. 

 

"They seem to be living a busy life"

 

Suddenly, he felt the need to 'update' something. It has been quite long since he did something of that sort. 

 

"Tell me something you always wished to tell me," he posted as he waited for a response.  

Three

A proposal

 A message popped up suddenly.

 "I have something to tell"

 

"Is it so? Tell me about it"

 

"Should I?"

 

"Yes, you should. I insist"

 

"I am feeling a bit shy"

 

"Don't hesitate. Just say it"

 

"I have a secret crush on you"

 

It came to him as a secret blow. He never imagined receiving such a 'proposal'. He felt surreal. He wanted to let the world know that there is someone out there who have strong feelings about him.  

 

"I never knew," he tried to hold back his true emotions. 

 

"I never told anyone"

 

"Can I ask something?"

 

"Go ahead"

 

"Do you share the same feelings even now?"

 

"About what?"

 

"About love?"

 

"Yes, I do"

 

"Fine then. Let us talk to each other for a while. We will get better clarity when we talk. What do you say?"

 

"I am speechless now"

 

"Hehe. Let us just talk"

 

"Okay fine:)"

 

"Okay :)"

He was not so certain about the future of their relationship even though the conversation had ended promisingly. 

 

"She is the first person who conveyed her actual feelings to me. But I do not know if I can form a special relationship with her because I know her for quite long and we are different characters. Still,  I can't hurt her true feelings. She made me feel happy with her acceptance. Maybe, I can stay like a good friend and she may figure out the reality on her own."

He browsed through other status messages as he felt his heart was heavy.  

 4.

Another proposal

"To love someone is to share a long form of association with a beautiful soul. I believe in true love. A person need not have to know the other one for a longer time span. Haven't you all heard that love is momentary in nature?" 

 A smile came in his face as he read her blogpost. 

"She is my long-time good friend. We have known each other for quite long. I remember every bit of her. Our mutual friends say we are rare species. I think she is the one I am looking for. This could be the moment I have waited all these years." 

"Let me not stay silent this time." 

 

He sensed the need for a detailed conversation. He started composing the message. 

 

"Hi. I think we share some similar interests. I don't know if you would like to share a life with me. But I am and so I am saying it now" 

She took a long pause before an answer. 

 

"Hi. Thanks for your honest text. We can't share a life together. Please don't ask me about the reason. I am sorry that I am disappointing you"

 

"That is fine. But may I know why can't we live together?"

 

"I don't know"

 

"You sure you don't know the reason?"

 

"I think we can't share a life together. I don't know why. But I am certain about it."

 

 "Then no problem. I won't trouble you again"

 

"Thanks for understanding"

 

"My pleasure, bye"

 

"Bye"

 

He was hurt. He found somebody and thought that his long wait was over.  But she did not reciprocate the same feelings. 

 

"Perhaps I should not have asked love. I should've stayed silent. Will I be able to communicate to her the way I used to in the past. Did I lost a friend?"

 He wanted a change in mood. So,  he switched to YouTube to play "Kanmani anbodu Kaadhalan," an Ilayaraja classic. 

 

"Laa la la laa laa la la la la la la la la la la," he sang along. He smiled as he hit the right notes everytime. He felt rejuvenated. 

 

"Wow. It came quite good today. Perhaps I should practice more"

 He had more reasons to smile. 

"What a unique day it was! A day of many firsts alltogether. My first WhatsApp status led to my first love and to my first rejection. I hit the right notes after many attempts" 

These thoughts made him creative. He wrote something he always wished to tell everyone.  

"I wish to seek love from a person who is going to love me the way I love myself. I am not a perfect person. I have many flaws, but I am happy with the way I am right now. Love will come to me someday as I love this emotion called love a lot more than even the best lovers do," he finished these lines before going to bed happily and gleefully.   

 

 

Afterword

This work is pure imagination for passive reading. Special thanks to a special person who sat beside me when I jotted down these thoughts :)