Clarity exists in confusion!

We look for clarity and cohesion. We begin to cast doubts about our own selves when the line between rightness and wrongdoing is wafer-thin to our eyes. We run and run. But our search ends at one point. We would either give up on some major things or may learn to pick up ourselves.

At times, we all encounter a state of mental dilemma. It can keep us confused for a long period. My search for clarity had cast a form of confusion in my mind. Previously, it was easy to engage in normal, ordinary conversations. But it is not so anymore. I am not sure if I am imagining things or it is a new reality! After every conversation, I leave many gaps in the mind of a listener. I fail to answer a question and drift away from the central point. It is a self-evaluation, and it is quite natural that people will have different reactions to my own admission. I will elaborate on what happens after a conversation.  

My words and the responses by people reverberate in the mind. I get the uncomfortable feeling if I express things vaguely or if I don't grasp well. Some people who have associated with me would disagree that I have an issue in communicating my thoughts. But as I talk, I understand some gaps. You might wonder why I am thinking about it so much. What I want to become is to be a good narrator. I wish to explain things like how I wish them to flow.

Confusions, ambiguity and lack of thinking are some of my challenges. I wish to come out of my limitations to communicate my views clearly and credibly. When it comes to certain topics, I struggle to express much if I find rationality on two sides of an argument. I go blank.

Some people who know me state that I follow a complex thinking process and I 'manufacture' certain things that do not exist in real life. I live a complicated life altogether! There are a lot of ifs and buts in front of me. They make me think hard about my choices and question my selections. I do not wish to state that what I am pointing out is a unique and personal experience. 

We the humans are generally good at perceiving things from various angles. Out of these layers, we choose the ones that are more sensitive to our own understanding. It is the pace at which we undertake some decisions that let us cast some doubts about ourselves. If we find answers quickly, we think that we are doing fine. But as we probe further, we see that it is not to be in all the case. That is when most of us would regret it. But what is the actual point if we think about something we already have done? It is something that had already happened. They give us detailed insights about many things but at the same time, they keep us mentally low. We feel unhappy about ourselves.  

We start performing poorly if we start complaining about us. This is probably because our mind and body require energy, aka an enriched fuel, to keep ourselves moving. We damage our own power if we create a habit to blame us for all the wrongdoings. We need to have more empathy and care for our own self. It could give us a feeling of appreciation and self-worth. We take ownership of ourselves and gradually we will start noticing the changes. Problems, challenges, concerns! Let them come to us –they make our evolution easier!