Shamelessly original, harmlessly real

Shame is a strange emotion. And shamelessness is a sin to many...

Why is it so? Because we deem the need to gain validation from others. And we act accordingly. Sometimes, we absolve from activities that excite us. The thinking that goes into a withdrawal act is the innate want to fulfilling the requirements imparted by others, especially loved or respected ones. For instance, family or office.  

Two weeks ago, I was sitting at a cozy restaurant. I was with my family. And I was parallelly attending a meeting. Someone cracked a joke during the meeting. Hearing that, I laughed out loud. And Amma looked at me and expressed the obvious, to make little noise, in a lovingly worried tone. At that point, amma's daughter intervened and signaled me to continue what I was doing - laughing!

Expression of self without barriers

Expressing oneself without inhibition and reservation is the greatest trait of humankind. Why is it so? We all have the most beautiful and original version of ourselves, and after repeated encounters, we actually lose its titbits and abandon them somewhere non deliberately. 

But we can represent our truest selves only when we display our earnest colours. On a personal note, I can recall three instances where I revealed it, and earned commiseration from people. But the lesson I learned from those incidents is the requirement to be more careful in constructing words and expressing my emotions. 

Careful control is always a safe jacket to live a tension-free life. Unless you are an amazing articulator, chances are high for your expressions to go unnoticed. But here comes a genuine dilemma. 

If I hold a mirror to myself, I can see one thing vividly, - emotions. When I hold them back, I have messed up the messages. Had I shown the courage to express it differently, I could have done better in deliverance. 

So naturally, it sounds logical to be original. But it comes with a pinch of consciousness on what you speak and what you don't. Because intentions can be real but interventions can't be, always!

When people act

Theatrics are an everyday phenomenon in daily survival. There is a theory that backs the argument. As per Actor–network theory (ANT), "everything in the social and natural worlds exists in constantly shifting networks of relationships."

The first time I genuinely noticed the nuanced act of people was when I attended a class seminar in 2016. As I looked at my classmates, I saw two sides of them. It confused me and left me numb. But later on, as the engagement went on, I realized I was a late learner, and the path was already there.

But honestly, I still feel very different when people act or behave like someone else in front of me. It makes me feel guilty and I think about whether any of my past actions led to their changed behavior. But most times, it is just the opposite, where we behave in a way because we have been conditioned in that way, and that is the truest part.

Adulthood, mature conversations, and joining the bandwagon

After you reach a certain age, you are bound to talk in a mature way that society accepts and understands. The same goes for conversations as well. Some of my genuine efforts were misunderstood as I did not express them in a standardized format, the one that mainstream society understands.

Many times, I have seen sarcastic or pitiful responses, to which I mostly remained non-reactive. I am still figuring out how to be on while communicating and expressing myself. And it is not an easy road, but a needy path to carve my identity.  

After a point, we all change, and our modes of expression could be entirely opposite to what we have had in store. It could happen rapidly. If we look at our past conversations with friends on WhatsApp, some of us realize the changed tone in our communication. 

What is it like to be if you do not fit into the general narrative? When you appear as something else in front of others? In such circumstances, you are likely to be misunderstood and zoned out, because people do not quite comprehend the nuances that circumvent you. Let me narrate it with an example. The helpless individual in you may need three sentences to complete your thought. However, the person at the receiving end would have already gone to the next topic, after running out of patience. Rings a bell?

Behaving at my age is a freedom of expression

Sometimes it used to take me ample effort to figure out whether I really reflect my age. After a point, I understood that there is no hard and cut definition. And all that matters is being oneself in the most confident and comfortable tone. Ideally, nothing else should matter. Nobody should stop us either. But is that how it works?

Being shameless

Shamelessness is a sensational emotion. Who is shameless? He or she is the one who is unnerved to admit your wrongdoing, have an unapologetic take on issues, and feel unnerved about a committed act. But let me remind you! I don't have scientific support to substantiate my argument. It is just an invalidated opinion.

You may wonder, why do I like shameless people? I treasure it when people are real, earnest, and original, to their wits and wisdom. I am someone who is still figuring out the identity of my real self. And in my opinion, being unapologetically original in a caged world is an amazing achievement. 

I like to be shamelessly original. What about you?