Guilty Boy

January 11, 2025, 5 am.

Rohan rushed to the bathroom to clean up the semen. He ejaculated at midnight, and his track pants were all wet. Inside the bathroom, he revisited his sexual dream. 

He stood still for a moment. His eyes had a drop of tears. It came out of the realization that the central character of his dream was his 39-year-old mom Reenu. 

“Why the hell,” he asked himself, as he cleaned up his body. He flushed the toilet, but could not flush his mind. 

“Ro, you want some chai?,” asked Reenu as she saw him coming out. 

“No,” he responded abruptly, and turned on his laptop. He opened the tabs of Instagram, Netflix and YouTube. His YouTube feed was surrounded with updates such as, “Margaret Robbie topless scene from Wolf of Wall Street”, “How to make her fall for you”, “All we Imagine as Light nude scene,” etc. 

After all, he was a 13-year-old teenager, who had no clue about sex. He was too shy to ask his friends about it, and like all young teenagers, he thought it would be foolish to discuss it with elders. As a result, he used YouTube and Instagram reels to acquire titbits of knowledge. 

I can’t talk to mom

He could not stop thinking, because he was curious. As he went to school, he could not stop wondering why he dreamed about mom. He could not sleep that day. Rohan somehow spent the remaining hours watching Squid Game, but could not focus much. 

“Rohan, aren’t you eating today?,” Reenu asked in her curious voice, the next day. She had prepared his favorite appam and stew for breakfast. 

“I’m not hungry. I’m going,” he responded and rushed to school, without looking straight. 

At school, he could not look at the faces of the teachers while attending the class. “What if I start dreaming about them,” he feared. He did not go near Athira, one of his good friends, fearing the same thing. 

All in all, he was not talking to his close people. There was one question that was lingering in his head. "Why did mom appear in that dream?" It kept haunting him despite engaging in different activities. 

I did something wrong

In the evening, Rohan sat on the sofa to watch TV. His mom came nearby and offered a warm hug. He slowly pushed her away and Reenu was surprised. Usually, Rohan offers her kisses when he is happy. For the last few days, there weren’t any. 

Additionally, he was barely talking to her. “I did something wrong. And I am embarrassed. I can’t talk to her,” Rohan thought to himself. 

A single parent, Reenu noticed Rohan’s change in behavior. She decided to not discuss anything about it. Rohan is a teenager, and he doesn’t like probing too much, she thought. 

"I should not tell anything to mom. Because she would feel bad about me. I don't want to hurt her feelings," Rohan thought.

The mom and son lived in their rooms, occupied in the thoughts about each other, but hardly speaking anything to each other. 

“I’m sorry mom”

“I think I should commit suicide. That’s the way in which I can escape from this pain,” Rohan concluded. "I should write, “I’m sorry mom,” and take pills from the medical store."

He visited the nearby store in the evening, and asked for the pill.

“Why do you need this?,” asked Sheeba, who was the person in charge.

“Hmm, wait, I’ll come later,” he said and rushed home. But his face suggested that he was hiding something. So, Sheeba called Reenu. 

"Reenu, Did you ask Rohan to buy this pill? He came here a while ago and asked for it. 

“What! I didn’t tell him to buy anything. I’ll check with him,” Reenu responded to Sheeba. 

Reenu felt something suspicious. She decided she should break her silence. 

We need to talk

Rohan had reached home by 5 pm. He was about to take the stairs when Reenu stopped him. “We need to talk,” she said. 

Rohan looked to the floor and nodded his head. Reenu realized that it's been a while since he looked at her face. As she placed her hand on his shoulder, she could realize that Rohan was shivering. 

She didn’t let him go. After standing still for a while, his body calmed down. “I’m sorry maa, I’m sorry,” that’s all that he could say as he hugged his mom tightly. 

"It's okay. I'm here for you," she kissed him with a smile. Suddenly, Reenu revisited the day she filed the divorce from her abusive husband. He was once a caring boyfriend. "I can take care of Rohan, whatever this issue is. Can't let him go," she thought to herself.

That night, Rohan and Reenu slept peacefully, and Rohan didn't had bad dreams. 

The next day, they watched "Girls Will Be Girls" on Amazon Prime. A week later, they watched "Ladybird". Gradually, his mom became his best listener. He could look at his miss, his friends, and everyone with a confident smile for a few days. 

But one month later, the dream re-appeared. And, Rohan opened up about it to Athira and Reenu. They did not offer him any solution. But he felt relieved. Because he now had two listeners in his side. 

Hence, he could sleep peacefully.